So..

So, my therapist/nutritionist say that I need to gain weight. I will concur, I have a BMI of 17, whereas 19-24 is healthy. I'm a bit reluctant to let go of my prepubescent boy physique, though. Any recovering or struggling anorexics/bulimics will agree, it's hard to let go of the security that your waifdom has given you. I mean, I'm a visual person. I've always been one, I'll always be one. So, when I see my surroundings changing, I feel changed. For better or worse, the same theory applies to my body. But, healthcare is healthcare, and they most likely know what is best. To prepare myself for what lies ahead, a tribute to curves, and a waifbashing session.

Colleges.

So I was on collegeboard, looking up some schools. I need to visit this year, maybe this summer if I find time, so I'm getting down to about half a dozen schools now.
I want a big school, to contrast my under-1,000 people high school, as well as a city school, to get a change from the woods and farms of my hometown.
I'm looking into Boston, New York, Philly, and Providence. I thoroughly enjoy New York, Philly's nice, too, and I've never been to Boston or Providence, but hear good things.
Also, I like the Sox, so that would come in handy in a New England city. I'm smart, and could maybe get into an Ivy, but no way in hell could my family afford it, and, hoping for a free ride,

I'm applying to schools that accept 40-60% of applicants. I'm a psych/sociology major, by the way. My six schools of choice are: BU, Clark, Northeastern, Fordham, Montclair, and St. John's. If anyone has attended these schools, tell me about them.

Are the classes reasonable-sized?
How are the professors?
Are there decent (school) clubs and how easy is it to meet people?
How is the city's venue/discotech scene?
How is financial aide, too, as I will need it?

And that's pretty much what I want to know. Thanks.

Introverted iNtuitive Feeler Perciever

Have you ever had a moment of clarity? Where the whole world feels illuminated, where you feel as if the stone wall around your heart has opened its gates? I just did. I was having this huge anxiety issue tonight, and I went on the computer to research some personality traits I'd wondered about in myself, and I found the jackpot. Myers-Briggs Personality Types. I'd known about them for ages, but, when I took the test, and I took it many times, I got these bullshit personality types that didn't fit me. Until tonight, when I stumbled upon INFP.

"creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings, prone to quitting, prone to feelings of loneliness, ambivalent of the rules, solitary, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, focus on fantasies, acts without planning, low self confidence, emotionally moody, can feel defective, prone to lateness, likes esoteric things, wounded at the core, feels shame, frequently losing things, prone to sadness, prone to dreaming about a rescuer, disorderly, observer, easily distracted, does not like crowds, can act without thinking, private, can feel uncomfortable around others, familiar with the darkside, hermit, more likely to support marijuana legalization, can sabotage self, likes the rain, sometimes can't control fearful thoughts, prone to crying, prone to regret, attracted to the counter culture, can be submissive, prone to feeling discouraged, frequently second guesses self, not punctual, not always prepared, can feel victimized, prone to confusion, prone to irresponsibility, can be pessimistic

favored careers:

poet, painter, freelance artist, musician, writer, art therapist, teacher (art, music, drama), songwriter, art historian, library assistant, composer, work in the perfoming arts, art curator, playwrite, bookseller, cartoonist, video editor, photographer, philosopher, record store owner, digital artist, cinematographer, costume designer, film producer, philosophy professor, librarian, music therapist, enviromentalist, movie director, activist, bookstore owner, filmmaker

disfavored careers:

business professional, manager, executive, administrator, business owner, supervisor, office manager, business analyst, financial analyst, public relations manager, ceo, executive assistant, judge, event coordinator, lawyer, office worker"

That's what similarminds.com says about INFP's, or idealistic personalities. It's like they looked into my mind and wrote down what they saw. This is me! This is ME! From the melancholy mien to the artsy ideals to the abhorrence for office work, THIS IS ME! I'm so excited that I could find something that describes me! I mean, I thought my tilt towards the sadder things in life made me crazy, but here I see that about 1 in 16 people is an INFP, theoretically. That's about 419,187,000 people with my issues! With my ideals and dislikes and likes and values! With my struggles! Four-hundred-thousand lost souls! Four-hundred-thousand thinkers! I feel the comradery! I feel understood! Oh, this is great. Anyone who has ten minutes, look into your personality. It's freaking amazing.

Amazonian Deforestation

Pará is the region in Brazil that the most Amazonian deforestation occurs in- in Spanish, "para" is, of course, the Spanish word for "for". While they don't speak Spanish in Brazil, the Amazon is a concern to all the world, and especially to South America, as its deforestation decreases the amount of rainfall that those areas receive, thus altering their climate. Because this alteration is not only affecting us, but future generations, I put kids on my message, highlighting that OUR greed hurts THEIR future.

To show Brazil that we mean buisiness, do not buy Brazilian beef products, hardwoods, or soy beans. Brazilian hardwoods include: African Blackwood, Olivewood, Amboyna Burl, Cherry, Andira, Angelique, Birch and Black Palm. To avoid being unsure about where your beef and soy beans are from, get locally grown food from a famer's market or CSA- community-supported agriculture. This helps you bypass many international fiascos, such as animal- rights issues, deforestation issues, etc., and you also support a local farmer.

A Survey (Yes, I'm That Bored).

A survey because it's late and I don't want to sleep yet:

1. Last beverage: water in a stein with a straw. i was getting exotic.
2. Last phone call: my friend andrea.
3. Last text message: my friend shaun.
4. Last song you listened to: dear vienna, owl city.
5. Last time you cried: late may early june?

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: yeah..
7. Been cheated on: if i have, i never learned of it.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yeah.
9. Lost someone special: i have.
10. Been depressed: yes.
11. Been drunk and threw up: eew no.


LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. gray
13. blue
14. yellow

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)

15. Made a new friend: many.
16. Fallen out of love: it wasn't love.
17. Laughed until you cried: sadly, i have not.
18. Met someone who changed you: been changed by someone's actions, yes. but i'd known them for some time.
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: yes, but people talk about people all the time.
21. Kissed anyone: yes. damn, i must sound like a ho to all you good bloggers.
22. How many people do you trust: one. she's a middle aged lady with a degree in psychology.
23. How many kids do you want?: two. of the feline species.
24. Do you have any pets: some cats.
25. Do you want to change your name: why?

26. What did you do for your last birthday: celebrated.
27. What time did you wake up today: 8, goddam finals.
28. What were you doing at midnight: midnight when?
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: band camp.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: at 7, when she took the towels off the clothesline.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my goals, and my perception of what is a good decision.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my uncle.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: well i'm lying on my stomach and forcing my head towards the laptop and it's beginning to hurt my shoulders.
35. Most visited webpage: this one, or facebook.

36. Whats your real name: Rebecca Rose Privacy.
37. Nicknames: B. Fieds, The Beckster, Beck, Becky, Warhol, God.
38. Relationship Status: i have friends. i have a friend who has caught my eye. i have not yet made a move, nor has he.
39. Zodiac sign: virgo
40. Male or female?: look at my name. what does that suggest?

41. Primary school: sucked.
42. Secondary school: interesting.
43. High school/college/university: in high school

44. Hair color: blonde
45. Long or short: chin-length

46. Height: 5' 8''
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: i just stated that.
48: What do you like about yourself? my insight.
49. Piercings: earlobes.
51. Righty or lefty: lefties gotta represent!

FIRSTS:

52. First surgery: oh, a boob job back in '04...
53. First piercing: only piercing.
54. First best friend: ronnie mustard.
55. First sport you joined: soccer.
56. First vacation: the outer banks.
58. First pair of trainers: because i keep track of things like that.

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: sucking on a cheek bump thing, from when you bite your cheek and the cells swell up.
60. Drinking: saliva. yum.
61. I'm about to: answer the next question
62. Listening to: the hum of my laptop, the faint sound of a tv, and airplanes. wow. that's a lot of pollution :(
63. Waiting for: your next phone call, your next excuse for losing sleep agaiiin.

YOUR FUTURE
64. What kids?: none. to be honest, it'd be inhumane to give my genetics to another human being.
65. Get Married?: i'd like to, if the right person comes along.
66. Career?: psychologist. or a menial job in various countries. i'd like to travel, and money doesn't bother me.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes.
68. Hugs or kisses: hugs can be sweet but kisses deliver such passion. kisses.
69. Shorter or taller: taller than me would be nice.
70. Older or Younger: older, but by two years, tops.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: those are practically synonyms.
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: arms.
73. Sensitive or loud: sensetive.
74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship. hook-ups always leave me broken.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: well, there is the james dean appeal...

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: no
77. Drank hard liquor: tried it.
78. Lost glasses/contacts: 20/20 vision, baby.
79. Sex on first date: wow, no.
80. Broken someone's heart: i doubt it.
83. Turned someone down: yes.
84. Cried when someone died: yes.
85. Fallen for a friend?: fallen hard.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: i'm impressed with this question. very pointed. and yes, i do. however little self-esteem i may have at certain times, i always believe i can come out alive, because i always have, and that statement carries more weight than you'd think.
87. Miracles: not in the biblical sense, but the personal sense, as in good deeds by bad people, or healthy changes at unseeming times.
88. Love at first sight: no.
89. Heaven: no, but i envy those who do.
90. Santa Claus: oh, and you were on such a role there, too. this question is silly. of course i don't.
91. Kiss on the first date: i do.
92. Angels: again, not biblical but personal angels, like good-natured people who can pull you away from a bad situation.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no.
95. Did you sing today?: no.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: no.
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: i wouldn't. as much of a preacher as i may sound like, every time i fucked up as a kid just made me stronger today, and i'm glad for it.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it: can it be a week? because one was really traumatic and i'd like to never forget it, so it never happens again.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: i've never loved nobody fully, always one foot on the ground.
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: no, it's "A Survey (Yes, I'm That Bored)."

To Dance The Charleston To Slipknot...

Is equal to having segregated proms at a time of such integration that we have elected a man of two races to our highest seat in the country But yet, it happens.

Let me tell you something about my personal prom night. My date was an asshole who went to dance with an old flame as soon as the music began. I was pissed, but tried to have a good time, being as I had spent hundreds of dollars on the one night, and I'm not one to toss around money. So I was determined to make my prom night semi-enjoyable, thus I searched out other friends.

One was my best friend, a girl of mixed race. Wouldn't be allowed at the prom, had we lived about 5oo miles south. The other was my ex-boyfriend and still close friend, a black kid. Also would not have been admitted. For selfish reasons, I'm glad that most of the country has the education to hold integrated proms.

Which makes me think- I never thought of my life as integrated. I mean, I hang out with kids of different races all the time- we're best friends. But to think that that is a political statement is crazy. I've never though of having "Integrated Poker Nights"; "Multiracial Sleepovers"; "Cross-Cultured Lunches". That's just how it is. To think that I would bring my friend Dave home to hang out and have my father, instead of greeting him and asking if he'd like to see our cat's new trick, tell me coldly that I was unable to have him over would be ludicrous. To think, for that matter, that anyone in this century would do that is crazy.

Alas, it is true. Not even just blacks and whites, but I'm sure other races. Like, I don't know for a fact, but if some Sunni girl invited a Shi'i girl over to watch movies, I wouldn't doubt that some radical parent would put up a fuss. Or maybe, a Jewish boy and a Nazi's son, circa 1938. There'd be some serious issues on the parental front there. All I'm saying is that bigotry is lame.

Like, I don't get it. I never did. We're all people- we all hurt and love and laugh. What should it matter if we're Indian or Russian or Creek or Jamaican? It's the goddam 21st century. You can travel the world in under two days, why has it taken us tens of thousands of years to accept its people as equal? Sure, I may eat spaghetti for dinner and you may be partial to falafel, but that's where it stops. Cultural barriers are man-made, as are prejudices. The only thing keeping us from loving one another as equals is ourselves.

And I'm not even saying anything crazy. I'm not saying to go adopt a baby from a third-world country or to erase your stereotypes of cultures or go move into a part of town where everyone speaks a different language than you. All I want you to do is to think of those people in that country, or that different part of your country or town as equal to you. You may have a Beemer, they may have a bike. Who gives a damn? You both have still felt pain, rejection, the feel of a gorgeous summer day. You both have a heart and lungs and brain, and you both want the same thing in life- happiness. No matter how you go about it, people have basic similarities, and it's silly to think that just because you were raised in a nuclear family in the suburbs and they were raised in the projects, you can't relate. Yes, you can. If you never talk of anything more than your feelings, you'll stil have a lifetime of meaningful conversation.

So don't give me that shit that blacks and whites don't have enough in common to have a prom together. Me and Dave did- we both had been ditched by our dates and wanted to dance with a good friend. And these kids in the south, they've gone to school together for years, they all whine about the same hard teacher and laugh about the same senior prank. They're friends. Why keep friends from each other? That's like keeping the sun from a flower. And everyone deserves to blossom on prom night.

Thoughts on Wednesday Morning

First of all, I freaking love the socialist rose logo. I began researching different types of economic and political systems last October after the economic meltdown on Wall Street, and I fell in love with socialism. It's a difficult system, I think, because it relies heavily on morals, at least for the party leaders, thus I'm not sure how it would fare on the macroeconomic scale...

But, you know, capitalism relies on morals too, and when you have immoral people, you get issues like CEO's spending taxpayer money on bonuses for their cronies and office redecorating, not to mention the mortgage crisis that was basically a greed-gone-wrong scenario that started this whole mess. So, any economic system relies on ethics, and when people are immoral, they go wrong, though in different ways.

And socialism, too, because it is more about the stuff you need than the stuff you want, I think it would be a great thing for this world. I mean, everyone, at least in countries with a lot of disposable income like America, is caught up with buying whatever they fancy, and not thinking about whether they really need it or not. And then, like three months later, they'll throw it into the trash. And this is just killing the environment, you know, because we have to extract minerals from the ground to make products, or cut down plants to make the products, each time hurting the ecosystem that the object once belonged to. So, we've got this pulverized earth, but that's not the end of it, because we need to make the product in a factory, which uses power, and we also need to take it to the store, which uses gasoline.

Not to mention the highway and the store themselves are on what used to be a virgin forest or field, and they're only taking away from animal's habitats, as well as the concrete and asphalt they lie on are impermeable, which means that rainwater has to travel farther to find permeable rocks, and, when it does, it floods the permeable area, which just ruins so many ecosystems. This is, of course, so we can buy shit we don't need, like new tops or computers, or whatever.

Of course, I am as guilty as you. But there are ways we can be less guilty, and I know that all this green living stuff is shoved down everyone's throats these days, but I'm not advertising anything, nor am I promoting anything (except maybe the socialist party), so I advise you to listen. I mean, if people would just save their money instead of spending it on senseless shit, imagine how much more you could do. Say you make $500 a week. You spend 100 on food, maybe 300 on bills. If you save that extra 100 instead of going out and spending it, in a year you'll have $5,200 at your disposal. In two, that becomes $10,400.

It's silly to assume you won't go out on weekends or buy presents for family, or go on trips, so I'll assume you'll actually have $7,000 at the two year mark. Still, that's a nice piece of money. You could save it, slowly amassing a small fortune, or you could go on a nice vacation to some exotic place with it. That's much more worthwhile than the the random knickknacks that you may have bought, half of which you'd probably have given away or thrown out by the two year mark.

Or, if you genuinely want to treat yourself, which is understandable, go to a secondhand store. Seriously. The stuff there is more interesting, more diverse than the stuff at the mainstream stores, as well as it doesn't add any more pollution to the world, because you're not the first person to have it. Hell, it prevents pollution, actually, because the object is going into your hands rather than a landfill or incinerator.

So that would be my environmentalist rant for the day, something for you to think about. It helps the world, saves you money, maybe lets you go on some nice trips, and makes you feel better about yourself and your savings techniques, as well as your self-control, for it is much easier to just buy shit than it is to save money, I know. And, uh, that's about it.