This is to all the women of the world who think this is beauty. Who think that a good day, appearance-wise, is a day when your ribs are defined and your collarbone is protruding. Ladies who take a missed period as a sign of hope and think that blue nails are scars of battles won. I know you all too well.
I'm not writing this to criticize you, chances are, you've done enough of that already today. If you're taking the time to let the calories from those two, three, spoonfuls of yogurt fester in you, accumulating over all your sensitive areas by means of fat cells and clotted arteries, to read this, I am flattered. Without much ado, I will get down to business.
What has gone wrong with our culture that leads women to think that protruding bones are flattering? Once upon a time, the more voluptuous woman was praised, revered for her curves (not the skin-on-bone curves but the skin-on-fat curves) that defined her as a woman. Big thighs and hips were the quintessential female form, women actually ate more to look like models. That's what you want, right? The idyllic life that models have, the parties the men, the clothing?
Let me tell you something. The party is a few stage lights and about 1000 dollars worth of props, all placed in a realistic manner to get you to buy the companies' shit. The men are hired models, they never spoke to the women before fondling them in the photo shoot, and they probably will never meet again. As for the clothing, it was taken off a rack, thrown on in a changing room, gussied up, along with the model, whose bone structure is, in reality, grotesque and skeletal. The carnival was positioned by a perverse director and shot by a photographer, all the while, the models were straining to appear amused by each other. This is not, never has been, and never will be real life.
What is real is that you will buy that dress that the model was wearing, and you will starve yourself to look like her. You will give those "pro-ana" sites hits, and some fat cat will get rich off of your insecurity. You, me, and millions of other young women across this nation have fallen into this psychological black hole of a disorder due to greed.
Not our own, though it is selfish to think of our bodies as much as we do, in lieu of our friends, family and futures, but the corporate world's. They spin out so many diet books, diet shows, diet foods, model programs, and new outfits, makeup and laxatives to make you think that, in buying them, you are one step closer to perfection. You're not. You're one step closer to death, just as the children in third world countries are worked harder to make your spring wardrobe complete with the addition of that cheap dress that symbolizes false hope and perfection. The world is polluted by the coal emissions that power that sweatshop, as well as the trees that are no longer absorbing carbon dioxide and giving off oxygen, because they were cut down to make that stupid issue of that glossy in which you saw those models. Some bourgeoisie in a penthouse office is rolling in the money that we American women have given him by buying into his billion dollar diet and body industry.
What are your plans in life? Do you want to marry? Do you want to see the world? Do you want to live to see 2030? One in five anorexics will die from this heinous disease. That means either you, me, or one of the three anorexics you know (you'd be surprised how many you know) will starve to death. All because of a warped vision of ourselves, our goals, and our culture. Will you outlive Ed (Eating Disorder), will you accomplish something in life, or will you just be another statistic, another body 6 feet under, 60 years too soon?
Think about your goals next time you see a fat woman in the mirror. Think about that kid you would've had when you look at your love handles, or the man who won't marry you because your disorder is too much to bear. Think about that model picture that you craved to personify, are you getting closer to it? Are you making friends, or driving them away? Are you looking better, feeling better, feeling more secure, more flirtatious? Or is your stomach bulging from want of food, your eyes underlined in purple? Are you feeling light and airy or is there a pulsing headache that prevents you from enjoying life? Are you cold, no matter the temperature, are your joints aching? Are you wearing that cute dress, but being forced to cover it in a sweater for insecurity's sake? Have you thought about anything other than food, calories or weight for more that two minutes? Are you genuinely happy?
Those questions will never have different answers as long as you keep staring yourself. You will always be miserable, and you will always be cold, as if ice water ran through your veins. More than that, your eating disorder is building a wall around you, around your mind, your heart. You won't be able to let people in, nor yourself out, as long as you continue on this road of self deprivation. You're not helping yourself. You won't reach your goals, not while Ed is in your life, if you can call it that. Reclaim yourself. You pride yourself on being strong, independent, but yet you restrict, binge, purge. Be strong- leave Ed behind. It's the best choice you'll ever make.
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